dependence

something has happened that i absolutely did not expect.

i've started to truly depend on tyler.

how did this happen?! oh. i got married. that's how. i didn't realize just how "dependent" i've become until today.

this morning, i was working, and everything about my day was going on as normal. but i texted tyler. it wasn't a super important text, but he never responded. that's pretty unusual, but i didn't think anything of it. i texted again a little while later. still, no response. i sent several texts over the course of a couple hours, but he never responded. i started calling. again, no response. i started freaking out.

i left work in a frenzy. i was thinking that some intruder had gotten into our apartment and hurt him. then i remembered that when i left this morning, he was getting in the shower. had he slipped and fallen and broken a hip, unable to get up, unable to call, and with no one there to help him with water all over him?! was he drowning and crying out for me to no avail?!

i took my lunch break at 10am, because i just knew my husband was suffering some trauma, and it was my duty to go rescue him! i won't even say the speed i went going down the road just knowing that something bad had happened to him. then, i walked in the door...


he was sitting at his computer.

what was the trauma? he put his phone on silent last night before bed, and he simply forgot to turn it back on.

i burst into tears. i had spent roughly twenty minutes imagining the worst. and, while imagining that, i realized that without him, i am nothing. it's funny how that changes when you get married. i have loved tyler for a long time, but now, i DEPEND on him. day in and day out. from small things like helping me around the house to big things like helping me decide career moves. he's now as much a part of me as i am myself. i guess that's what they mean by "two become one". you depend on someone so much that life without them no longer makes sense. in fact, it becomes impossible. the thought is intolerable, and it will send you home at 10am in a frenzy... it may be kind of ridiculous that i went to such lengths, but i like to think it means that we're doing this marriage thing right so far.

fin.